When I first started out as a psychologist, I found that I was not in one of the more interest- generating careers to talk about at a social networking event or party. Usually this is what happened:

Guest: So, what do you do for work?  

Me:I’m a psychologist

Guest: Oh cool (awkward pause) and then quickly turning to my friend: “How about you?”

However, when challenging personal issues arise, my name suddenly pops up in their memory and they reach out to me for a talk. I am always happy to help and support people (even if my profession did not capture their interest at a party!). Most often, my best response is to refer them out to other psychologists. 

Do you know…..

Approximately 20-25% of Americans have suffered from mental illness at some point in their lives. However, only about 40% of people with mental health issues reach out to get help.
The reason why many do not reach out to psychologists for help is because mental illness is still largely stigmatized by society. Although there is an increasing number of people who come to therapy voluntarily, many others are afraid, in denial, or refuse to visit therapists for various other reasons.  Yet when mental health issues are neglected, they can lead to severe negative impacts such as:

• Inability to maintain daily functioning (such as eating, sleeping, and getting out of bed)
• Difficulty in relationships
• Feeling suicidal

It is our responsibility as a society to break this stigma and make mental health information much more accessible. Common reactions to suggestions to seek mental health counseling include: 

• “I am not suicidal, I don’t need to see a psychologist”
• “I am not crazy, I don’t need therapy”
• “I don’t need therapy, it’s my (family member, partner, etc.) who needs to go to therapy”
• “I don’t have any of these problems you mention, so why do I need to go to therapy?

In my many years of practice, I have heard all of the above more times than I can count. With that in mind, let’s talk about why you should at least consider seeing a psychotherapist.

The benefits of going to therapy

• Non-Judgemental Environment: Most therapists are professionally trained to provide a supportive and non-judgemental environment for our clients. This does not mean we never have opinions, it just means we typically refrain from judging our client’s behavior to foster the ideal environment.  A primary reason most people don’t share things with their friends or family is because they are afraid of being judged, brushed off, receiving unwelcome advice, etc. Why do we act this way to our friends or family members? The reason is typically very simple–we don’t like to see our loved ones suffer. We jump into “savior mode,” thinking we are helping them by giving them advice, or we normalize their behavior to “help” our friends or family feel better. But this instinct to help is usually counterproductive. By contrast, a therapist allows you to truly open up by fostering a non-judgmental environment.

• Learn About Yourself: Quite simply, therapists can help you learn more about yourself. We all have blindspots about ourselves and repeat the same patterns over and over again. When approached for help, some people are quick to judge and become critical about others, even if their intention is to be constructive. Others are unsure of how to help, so may just avoid the conversation or the person entirely.  Your friends or family may offer advice you do not want to hear, or they may withhold any advice to avoid a confrontation. Unlike friends and family, by working with a completely objective neutral person such as a trained therapist, you will be able to see yourself and your actions from a different angle and thereby get to know yourself better.

• Find Help from a Specialist: There are many different specialized fields of training within psychotherapy that cover a wide variety of human issues including: family therapy, couples therapy, trauma therapy, psychoanalysis, art therapy, music therapy, dance therapy, psycho-drama therapy, and sand-tray play therapy, just to name a few. Individuals have different preferences of course. Many of my clients thrive on intellectual and philosophical conversation about the human subconscious mind and analysis; whereas some prefer non-verbal and experiential approaches. Some issues can be processed in individual therapy while others are better dealt with by including others who are closely involved in their lives. 

• Protection: Like many other professions, psychologists or other licensed therapists are regulated by law and ethical rules. For example, in the state of California, we abide by the ethical rules of the APA (American Psychology Association), the Rules of Professional Conduct of the State Bar of California, HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), and insurance regulations as well. Just as you would only want to be treated by a trained and licensed doctor if you get sick or hurt, the strict licensing and regulations for therapists exist for your protection. Knowing that years of rigorous study and testing are required, followed by training and the many regulations in place, you can go into therapy with confidence that you are protected. 

When Should You Go See A Psychotherapist? 

First and foremost, you don’t need a reason to see a psychotherapist. Period. There shouldn’t be any requirement for anyone who seeks self-growth. But if you want to know how most people come to me for therapy, I will share several scenarios, one or more of which you may be able to relate to.

1. You don’t get along with your parents. Young adults experience generational and cultural differences between themselves and their parents and may have difficulty taking on their parents’ values. These differences continue far into independence and adulthood. Indeed, we carry them with us throughout our lives.

1. You have low self-esteem. Self-esteem issues are often manifested by social anxiety. Whether these issues stem from self-criticism, poor body image, chronic criticism from others, or being bullied, the result is a poor self-image that has a profound effect on your quality of life.

1. You feel anxious or nervous randomly and quite frequently. Anxiety symptoms can include rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, racing thoughts, restlessness, constant worry, or uneasiness. Our bodies store emotions and the autonomic nervous system reacts to triggers on its own within a split second and without our awareness.

1. You get into fights with close friends, family or partners easily or you get angry easily. While sometimes our close connections can act horribly towards us, either working on not having strong emotional reactions or learning how to set healthy boundaries with them can be very helpful.

1. You always choose the wrong guy/woman. The people we are attracted to usually reflect much about ourselves, including our subconscious minds, our attachment styles, our emotional needs, etc. Therefore, it is very important to look inward if we want to change past patterns.

1. You are addicted to alcohol, video games, sex, work, shopping, etc. Based on my clinical experiences and training, addictions come from some sort of trauma and many people use addiction to avoid dealing with unbearable emotions. While it is easier to label someone who has obvious addiction problems such as using illicit drugs, recognizing that workaholic behavior, creating overly busy schedules, experiencing eating disorders, or hoarding behavior also must be recognized and addressed.

1. You are going through some life changing situations. These may vary from experiencing the loss of a loved one, a breakup, a divorce, a career path change, job loss, the transition from teen into adulthood, coming out (I hope years from now we will laugh at ourselves with our grandchildren about how ridiculous the world was for LGBTQIA population), aging, or facing our own mortality. It is hard to go through tough situations without support. Sometimes all we need is simply a human connection.

Conclusion

Most of my clients are just like you and me. They are smart, highly functioning, and “normal” but they also have the awareness and courage to come to therapy to face their own issues and work on themselves. I applaud my clients and praise all their hard work. You can do the same. The biggest lesson is, when we work on ourselves, not only do we feel much better about ourselves, but also our relationships with others improve, which invariably makes our world a better one. Please join me in making 2021 the year of being our true selves.

If you have any questions about psychotherapy, please feel free to message me. I am more than happy to help answer questions or provide resources for you.  If you like my articles, please subscribe to get the most updated news and share them to help others. Thank you. 

Picture credit: Polina Zimmerman on Pexel